the 4 essential friendship skills for kids*

*Not just for kids. What they don’t tell you is that these things don’t change that much as you grow up.

All four of these skills are things you can learn and practice. And they’re all under your control. You can’t make someone like you, but you can be your best likeable self. You can’t make someone else be a good friend, but you’re free to choose the people you want to be friends with. You can’t make someone introduce themselves or offer you a tuna sandwich, but you can make that move yourself. And you can’t force someone to be nice, but there’s a way to speak up when they’re not nice, and you’re allowed to find a new friend if a mean one keeps on being mean.

  1. Be a Friend**

  • Be you

  • Share

  • Ask questions

  • Listen

  • Give compliments

  • Help them

  • Tell the truth

  • Don’t be bossy

2. Choose the Right Friend**

  • What is a good friend like?

    •  Kind. Honest. Trustworthy. Fun. Whatever you like best.

  • Find someone with those qualities. If you find out the person isn’t like that, choose someone else. 

  • Remember, you deserve a good friend. 


3. Make Your Move**

  • “My name is Jay. Do you mind if I sit here?”

  • “That looks like fun. Could I play, too?”

  • “I have a skipping rope. Want to skip with me?”

  • “Do you want one of my chocolate chip cookies?”

  • “Look at this cool insect I found!”

4. Speak Up if Your Friend Is Mean**

  • Speak Up!

    • Tell them it hurts and ask them to stop. 

When you do that I feel hurt. 

Please don’t do it anymore.”

  • Plan what to say

  • Make eye contact

  • Stand tall

  • Use a strong, calm voice

  • Don’t argue

  • After you speak up, wait to see if they stop being mean.

  • Still mean? They’re not your friend. You can choose someone else.

** All four of these are things you can learn to do. You’re in control.

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