what our emotions want from us

“Sadness is the solution to problems that don’t have solutions.” - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Emotions have a purpose: to move us, to take care of us. Even the so-called negative emotions want to help us. They’re a “check engine light.” Nobody enjoys difficult emotions (because they suck), but we’d better pay attention, even lean into them.

• Anger tells us something isn’t fair.

• Sadness tells us we can’t have something we want. In a best case scenario, we can cry when we’re sad.

• Guilt tells us we’ve done something wrong.

• Embarrassment tells us we don’t like what people think of us.

• Fear tells us to be careful.

• Frustration tells us something is difficult.

They’re wildly important, but we do so many things to avoid those negative emotions. Big mistake. Huge.

Therapists’ offices are full of confused and wounded people who wouldn’t or couldn’t let themselves heed these messages. Some of them are full-grown adults who say, “I’m out of touch with my emotions,” or “I don’t even know what I’m feeling.” Their friends and family wonder why they overreact, or get grumpy, or never really seem okay.

Wouldn’t things be better if they could just feel sadness when sad things happened? What if they could feel anger—and really feel it—when they were angry? And how well-adjusted would they be if they could be afraid when life got scary?

Emotional health doesn’t mean always being happy. It means adapting to circumstances.